When Sorry Isn't Enough: Making Things Right with Those You Love

TLDR version: If you're a human being, like myself, you make mistakes. In fact, you probably make mistakes, just like I do, every day. But how often do you actually reconcile those mistakes? What impact does that have on your interpersonal relationships? This book is a great guide to navigating that, but also to be more in tune with the language of apology and repentance (not in a religious facet). I'd say that this isn't a silver bullet, but should be coupled with counseling if you have important personal relationships in real jeopardy. More detail: This book analyzes apologies and pushes you towards understanding not only the value of a good apology, but how to make sure you're most effective in delivering that apology. To be clear, this isn't a book that teaches you how to lie through an apology and get away with things, but a book that teaches you (with examples) how to deliver a sincere apology and what happens next. It goes through several hangups that may be stopping you from reconciling with loved ones, and is realistic about what to expect after. Keep in mind that this isn't a silver bullet or a step-by-step guide on how to reconcile, but it certainly gives you a good framework to go from. There's an aspect of self-discovery involved, and even after the apology, this book is clear that you're at the mercy of the recipient of your apology, so no false promises of being forgiven right away (or even at all!). Now, the less than awesome (at least in my mind). This book assumes some level of Christian faith, and while that's not always a bad thing in moderation, this veers over towards more of a religious counselor style book at times. If you're not Christian, portions of this book that use examples from the Christian texts may bore or just water the point of the story being told down. Ignore the religious aspects and focus on what the moral of the story being told is, and you'll get through it.

While I am aware this book would go on to become The 5 Languages of Apology, as is, it was useful for me for addressing family issues. I could see where I needed to confront those who have hurt me to seek reconciliation rather than letting wounds fester. I am grateful for progress, which I made prayerfully by following the authors' very practical advice. The book covers a variety of relationship challenges with real stories that invite the reader to reflect on where they stand with the state of their relationships and weaves well with the 5 Love Languages for healing while creating healthy relationships in every sphere of life.

I love this book because it is simple and easy to read. It covers the basics without going into lofty flights of prose and thought. Just what you need to do, and that's it. That doesn't mean taking action is easy, but their goal is give you understanding as simply as possible. This is not a theology book. It's a practical how-to book. You'll find some Scriptures, and it's written from a Christian worldview, but mainly Thomas and Chapman draw on their years of counselling experience. The facts of sin and repentance are already assumed; they're out to tell you how to put that knowledge to practical use. They had a lot of stories with couples, singles, young and old, family and friends, to give a wide scope of how these principles work. I found the life experience aspect a refreshing inclusion. In some ways this book was a hard, hard read. I have an extremely tender conscience, with an extreme perfectionism streak. This makes it difficult to accept messing up, while at the same time I don't like ignoring what I've done wrong. It is difficult to go through the apology process, but the older I get, the more I want an authentic, growing relationship with Christ and with family and friends. In that sense, it was convicting. On the other hand, some of it was incredibly healing. The author duo explain that it's not wrong to want justice, as long as you handle that desire righteously. Nor does forgiveness mean that your memory is wiped of the event. Nor should you allow people to manipulate you with poor and insincere apologies. Nor should you implode and refuse to forgive yourself. As for the apology languages themselves? Oftentimes the way you give an apology is your personal language. So think of the last one you gave, and what you said--any of the phrases up top ring with you? My apology language is Expressing Regret, with Accepting Responsibility being a close second. (Though in rare cases I feel pretty strongly about Making Restitution.) I appreciated this teaching, would highly recommend it, and hope to read it again. I think I'll need some time to fully process it; but I was so blessed by When Sorry Isn't Enough, and I hope you will be too.

JUST BUY IT IF YOU CAN'T OR WON'T SAY YOU ARE SORRY....SAY YOU ARE SORRY TOO MUCH!!! This book in my opinion is a SLAM DUNK WINNER! In every possible way in understanding how important it is that most of the time "SORRY" just doesn't cut it. I know for me I over use the word and it has lost its impact with the people who I care for and love. If you are not afraid to getting to look inside of yourself, take a moral inventory and process the information, you can come out the other side a better person. You will have the ability to apologise in a better way, avoiding the pitfalls of apologizing for the wrong reasons or just for ending an argument. You can get to understand and learn how to speak with your partner the way they need to hear it not the way you want to say it. We all have different ideas on what is the right way to say that you are sorry. I for one am glad that I took the time to read this and listened to the authors advise. The book is an easy read, well written and full of helpful advice. I would buy this again. As for packaging.... It's book so really hard to damage. Shipping was quick. Seller did a great job.

For my college writing class while we were writing a research paper in which we had to choose from a list of novels that would match the criteria of the paper. I chose the book, When Sorry Isn't Enough by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas, from the list that my professor had created. Usually I love reading, but in a class setting it is not enjoyable for me. However, this novel has definitely changed my opinion on reading for a class. I read through this book incredibly fast and it is now one of my favorite books to read. The authors talked about the five apology languages which really helped me to understand that sometimes just saying sorry is not enough for a person. The authors really go into depth mentioning how the five love languages can influence the five apology languages, everyone speaks a different language. A couple of my friendships were not doing well due to issues with apologies and after reading this book it became clear as to what was happening. I began to understand and speak their language. After reading this novel I have bought other books written by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas such as The Five Apology Languages and The Five Love Languages. I cannot wait to read more!

Light reading, but powerful, highly valuable information. Offers fascinating insights into human nature and how to better and more sincerely strike a chord with your apology. Never knew there were five languages of apology until reading this gem. Very useful, especially if you are the type of individual who not infrequently says or does the wrong thing, or if your style of apology seems to be falling on deaf ears. The authors even include sample scripts of how to verbalize your regrets, and in the process improve the quality of your relationships at home and beyond . Thank you Gary and Jennifer!

So this book as some really solid advice and guidance on how to be a better apologizer and moving forward from your mistakes, which I've greatly valued as I'm just learning that people have different apology languages. One big HOWEVER, I quickly grew tired of the New Testament Jesus talk, really bringing the discomfort to a head in one of the final chapters "Releasing the person to God". I'm heavily agnostic and grew up in a small town in Utah, so believe me when I say that I've had to work through discomforts around having religion pushed on me. I often found myself replacing anything in the book relating back to God or Jesus speak with "The Universe" and found the material to still be helpful. The tools still apply, regardless of what religion is using them. Owning up to your shortcomings, making amends with those who are impacted and finding a way forward are clearly talked about in this book and I believe valuable insight is offered. If this book wanted to take another step in its evolution, it would pull several different teachings from other religions / spiritual practices to give a more rounded-out view of how to genuinely approach righting wrongs, owning up to your failures and finding forgiveness.

I thought the examples in this book were realistic. I think the emotions discussed including sadness, heartbreak and loss of trust were explained fully making the reader nod their head if they experienced a similar event in their life. I think the importance of accepting someone's apology and trying to grow through the experience is well spoken too. To many people just give up and do not consider rebuilding their marriage. Marriage is hard work! I just published my first book examining the four years I was a widow. The title: FROM WE TO ME letters to my friend...shares the devastation of losing my husband and shares the many emotions living with cancer. I commend Gary Chapman for his ability to give advice that is worth trying and advice where everyone wins. I believe that is possible even when one person dies. Learning to say "I am sorry" and accepting it leaves few regrets in ones life and marriage. Thank you for your talent in telling good stories with good insight. Maryann Hartzell-Curran

I try to use this at work and my relationship

Probably OK.if.you can apply what you've learnt.

Gary Chapman is one of the best authors re Marriage Councelling. I highly recommend any of his books to those who are wanting sound Christian Councelling.

Perhaps an insight into the amount of referencing to God would be beneficial to readers who are not Christians. Unfortunately while I'm sure your points and expertise are insightful, begs the reason why I purchased the book, however I could not continue with it due to the overwhelming use of "God" and religion in making your points. While I respect your beliefs and reasons on relating such things back to God, I would assume that not all your readers would appreciate such referencing and had I known this about your book, then I would not have purchased it. I would not recommend this book to people I know, however if you have the ability to relate to the topic while referring to religion or God, then this book may in fact give you some tools that you may be searching for.

Such a great book! Definitly worth reading to bring growth in your relationships! Thank you to the authors!